The Comedy Hunter

When flying I actually look forward to looking thru my personal copy of SkyMall magazine. Not for all the GREAT products inside- but for the comedy. I am the comedy hunter...like Indiana Jones- without the cool hat. Lets take a look at what I found on page 183...and later pulled a clear picture from the website...

"With his characteristically big feet, our over two-foot- tall Garden Yeti will have guests doing a double-take as they admire your creative gardening style! .............finely hand-painted for startling realism."

If you can get past the kind of person who would WANT a Big Foot replica in their yard...take a look at the ad copy. Okay folks- so this big foot is all of 2 FEET tall. So he is more like a Big Foot Dwarf....but that is okay because it is painted with 'startling realism'. Realisim? It is a mythical character people! And about as tall as a garden troll! Yeah- guests will be doing a double take alright- they will be looking for a way out of your yard. There is part of me that wants to get this- for the comedy sake. But I am afraid my nieghbors won't get the joke. He'd be fun to dress up for the holidays though- can't you see him with a pair of bunny ears?

Chicago Chicago....my kinda town!

Hey all- Well I made a whirlwind trip to Chicago over the last few days to photograph an amazing 8th grade graduation and banquet for 400 people! This may have been the largest event I have ever done (closest is a wedding for 300).....it was simply exhausting...I am still sore from lugging my 10lb camera with auxiliary flash back up around....but, I must confess I loved every minute of it. The kids were dressed to the nines, rivaling any prom attire I have seen recently. Of course a few of these 13 year old girls looked like they could walk into any bar and get served without being even carded...but it made for some great photos! The boys were harder to capture...they sorta moved away like a school of fish when I approached. They were all very polite and fun to be with...If you really have nothing to do...you can take a look at the photos here.

Happy Birthday Shannon!

Nope she is not a cover girl...I got all silly and made this magazine cover for her. Then I glued it to the front of a real magazine. I am a nut, I know.

Shannon is a real life great friend, physical therapist, wife and mother. She is busy- but always seems to make time for me. She knows how to make me laugh...and she really is one of the most positive thinking people I know. No one is more supportive...

So Happy Birthday my friend! (yes, I will buy coffee next Friday for posting a photo of you on the internet!) But I think you look great!

I am no Moses....

New to Mommy Blogging? Here is the unwritten (until now) set of commandments followed by nearly all bloggers of the genre. Thou shall be brutally honest- even at the risk of having to look like a bad mom. This is our purpose to help others feel like it is totally and completely normal to eat a Cheerio off the ground because it was easier than going to throw it away. Thou shall not post photos of girlfriends without their prior approval or veto-or at least total Photoshop rights. Thou shall not expect the husband to actually read the blog. And if he does stumble upon it occasionally-do not be surprised if he is not amused by the rant post discussing his snoring problem. Thou shall post often. Or make an attempt to post regularly least the readers move on to some other Mommy blogger who is funnier and perhaps more insightful (we are an insecure group) Thou shall link to other Mommy Bloggers to help further the camaraderie of the Momfia. Thou shall respect the tagging/challenge/photo dare by a fellow blogger. Least you lose your credibility and standing in said Momfia and/or M.O.B. Thou shall not write anything, about anybody if they would not say it to their face. Even if you are talking about someone famous- trust me on this you really have no idea who reads your blog, and no idea who you will meet later in life. Thou shall not embarrass our children- well not really really embarrass them. After all their teachers/friends/neighbors might be reading, and the way we bloggers advertise our sites constantly- they probably are. Thou shall not depend on comments to make or break your day. Lots of people read- and will never, ever post a comment. These are the same people who are afraid to use their credit card on line I believe. The Internet is scary-even I am afraid sometimes. Thou shall be brief. Try to fit posts into a paragraph…nobody wants to read a novel every time they get to a blog site. Of course this post is a perfect example of TOO LONG. Provided for you as an visual sample. No need to thank me. I am a giver. I am sure I have missed some- perhaps you can let me know what other commandments you follow…..

A Prom Story....

In honor of prom season- I bring you this tale of a prom night from 1970....

Julie was pretty surprised when Lounge asked her to prom. She knew had seen him at a few parties- and once in the parking lot after a football game he said 'hey what's up cheerleader chicks' as she walked by with her friends. She knew he was pretty popular with all the non-jock types at school. Could have been his killer Trans-Am with the T-tops or maybe his dreamy hair- but whatever it was...Julie liked Lounge. She was nervous on Prom night. Her mom made the dress and insisted on the little jacket so it wasn't too revealing. It took her forever to iron her hair straight that night. He was supposed to be there at 6:00- he came at 7:00. He kept his sunglasses on the whole time, and Julie's mother thought Lounge smelled funny. Not the smell of a cigarette...but something else. She asked him if he was wearing cologne. He wasn't. Lounge was a man of very few words. His real name was Greg- but no one ever called him that. They made it to prom that night- but didn't stay long. Lounge refused to dance, and said the whole thing was 'lame'. Julie ended up sitting with her friends from the yearbook committee, and Lounge went out front and drank Budweiser with his band friends. Julie saw Lounge at the reunion not long ago, he was divorced and mentioned something about 'being really into reptiles' as a hobby. He still smelled funny. And he was bald. But he still had the Trans Am....it wasn't as cool as it used to be....

Oh how things have changed...my fabulous

(and naturally glamorous) niece from prom 2008...

Rant of the Week: Stripper looking weather girls….

In case any of you out there are actually strippers I apologize;

You should never have to be compared to a weather girl.

On any number of channels here in the OC you will find the evening news weather girls that look –how to say this delicately…well, they look trashy. Oh- they are well groomed and clean enough…but good lord what is with the outfits? One in particular (I know you want me to name names- but I just can’t-but you can click here for curiosity) has the body of Barbie if Barbie had a boob-job to a DDD. She really looks top heavy and I fear she is going to fall into the green screen at any minute. And then to accentuate her upper figure she wears shiny satin tops almost everyday. Those boobs become sorta glowing orbs as she balances on her hooker pumps. Oh I wish I was making this up. I can see the interview process now, must have been like something out of Anchorman (Love Will Ferrell). “I see here you have no experience and are not a meteorologist, um…okay you are hired.” I know, I know- I can just change the channel. And I do. But the weather girl on the next channel is just as bad. Oh maybe she is brunette instead of blond, and she has a raspier voice….but basically she is the same. My other options are wait to get the weather from the insanely overweight and out of breath weatherman on the morning news. I can’t win. I have no idea what the weather will be today-so don’t ask.

Me and Wii....in the paper today!

Well- terribly embarassing photos of me made it into the online version of a story done for a Wii Fit review in the OC Register today. Click here to read and see my review (as well as fellow bloggers Suzanne and Jenny). If you want to read it old school- then check out the Life section of today's paper.....or you could use it to cut watermelon on...either way, up to you.

I am participating in a linky-blog party over at The Rose Room and was asked to show you all where the 'magic' happens...in other words my home office. This is one the first floor of my house and doubles as a guest room. That is not a headless, naked woman in the corner- it is my prized mannequin from many years past working in apparel. She has vintage pins and gloves resting on her. As well as hats I wear when I work out. I was also asked to share a few things about myself...

Relationship: Married for 10 years- and loving it

Children: 2 boys

Pets: 2 hamsters (named Pixel and Google)

Age: 37 *sigh* not happy about it either!

Star Sign: Sagittarius

Fave Food: oooo anything I don't have to cook! Okay Mexican or Italian

Fave Drink: Mojito....OR Absolute Currant and Cranberry....OR Stewart's Diet Orange soda

House Decor Style: Um, well transitional with vintage touches....and a slight influence of Pokemon cards and early Buzz Lightyear. ;)

Collections: Nothing firm. I love collecting the letter M for obvious reasons. And of course vintage ephemera....Oh- how I would collect it all if I could!

How Did You Get Into Blogging: I began leaving lots of comments on blogs like Emphasis Mine when it was suggested I do my own blog by a few people. One night at 4 in the morning when I couldn't sleep I created my blog. I have posted everyday since then (often more than once a day). My blog is my confessional, my soapbox and my joy. The fact that others enjoy peaking into my life and my distorted mind is simply thrilling to me!

One more...this is the left of my desk. Handmade 'cup' by my son for Mothers Day, a photo of my husband and a bulletin board full of tid-bits that probably tell alot about me!

I have a post titled "Sex and Bowling" over at the OC Register...

Click here to take you there.....hope you go- and if you like the post please click recommend or leave a comment so the editors can see I have readers!

Happy Birthday Mom!

I hope you have a great day.......

I love you....

Yoshinoya! (complete inside code....my mom and I are like that!)

Note: My mom says you were either an Elvis fan OR a Beattles fan.....she was an Elvis fan. Good choice Mom- he was a hunk....

Fun with Jack and Tucker (episode #4)

"Have you guys played with your poor forgotten hamsters lately boys?- go play with them and give them some love" I do this occasionally so that they will bring me the cute little guys and I would get to play with them too. They never brought me a hamster.....I was not alarmed until..... (one hour passes) "Mom come upstairs! We made something cool!"

Well folks- here it is...Hamy De La Sunflower Seed. Yes, folks my boys built a hamster resort/condo/gym. Steve Wynn watch out. Look close; Google is on the top floor and Pixel is on the bottom. And the boys later changed the name to the 24 Hour Hammie Gym....comedy.....Massura style.

Counting the days...

End of the school year- and I am thrilled. JUST THRILLED. Since I am a SWAT (or SAHM if you prefer), summer is really the season I get to shine. I plan all kinds of field trips for the three of us: Griffith Observatory, MOCA, and the beach. I plan play dates and squirt gun parties. I pass out lots of Popsicles and cookies. We make and edit movies just for fun. We do all kinds of clay projects. We paint and draw. And we frequently do a wood working project (last summer was a catapult I built with the boys). I get enthusiastic about collecting bugs and making makeshift habitats for them in shoe boxes. We swim at Grandma’s house for as long as we want and that is usually till sunset. Basically we hang out together. And I love it. No stress. No worries….and all fun. I never have to hear myself say things like “NO you can’t ride your skateboard you have homework!” or “NO you can not stay up to watch that- it is a school night”….nope I just get to hear myself say “YES-Sure we can all sleep in the family room and rent lots of movies to watch”, or even “YES, I will let you put whip cream on your waffles”. Of course it is a bit harder to get anything done around the house (cleaning when the boys are home is like walking UP a DOWN escalator)…and sometimes I yearn for the ability to go grocery shopping without having to say to explain the nutritional differences between apple candy and a real apple. But in general- I love summer with my kids. I love the luxury of just BEING with them. I want to soak them all up. I want to savor all of this time together- because whether I like it or not (and I do not like it) they are growing up and growing away. Before long I will be out of a job. And someday summer will come- and I will be able to think back on all these wonderful wacky summers we have together- and I will have lots of great memories to make me smile.

Introducing the Burka Fashionline 1969!

You can leave the house ladies and not have to do your hair or a full face of make up! Having a fat day? No problem..the comfort of the swing silhouette gives you the freedom to carry a few extra pounds and no one is the wiser! Of course people might think you are pregnant - so be sure to keep your hands close to your body...and carry a watch on a chain while you are at it. (not for any reason, just to distract and confuse people). This jacket does double duty as a diet aide...making snacking on the go impossible! When you purchase your new Burka Fashion piece you receive a free hand book titled 'Eye Blink Communication'. You will be blinking your way into the hearts of others and be the envy of the neighborhood in no time!

You think I am kidding right? Click here....

How NOT to get the principal to like you...

Well in the on going saga of the Private School uniform and hair dress code...Jack was asked to cut his hair AGAIN today. And there are 7 school days left for the year. I decided to inform them that Jack would not attend the last 7 days of classes. I was then told this would DRASTICALLY affect his grades since he would miss lots of "workbook assignements". I said- okay then he can do the assignments at home and I will turn them in each day. Then I was told that she could not allow the workbooks to go home!!! But because I want to share my diplomacy I am going to show you the last e-mail I sent the principal and teacher.....

What? I can not take the workbooks home? I paid $675 suplemental fee this year for books. Does this fee not cover the 'workbooks' as well? Are they not MY property? May I come in and make copies of the book pages? What would be done if a child was sick? What accommodations would be made then? Jack had his hair cut last week. They took an inch off of his hair. I have photos of him getting his hair cut! I am attaching the photos. (before/during and after for proof) I paid $40.00 for that haircut. I really feel this is excessive given that there are 7 days left of classes. If the pricipal feels Jack's hair should keep him from attending the remainder of the school year- then I will accept that. But that means he needs to have access to workbooks (I will pay for copies of all relevant pages-I will even pick up the work books and take them to be copied). What tests are to be given over the next 7 days of school which will effect his grades? Please be specific so I can asses the risk we face by pulling Jack from HOPE early. This is so unfortunate to have to end the year this way. Jack is a good kid and good student. He has near perfect attendance. He always complies with the uniform code. He has never gone to school one day in 2 years even without his belt! I have seen some pretty bad rule breakers at hope this year alone: kids with clothes WAY too small to look appropriate, shoes with holes or writing on them, kids wearing casual uniform on dress day, and kids wearing out of uniform jackets. Even kids that wore black shirts to the band concert when it was CLEAR they were to wear white! And as for hair- Jack's hair is appropriate, and current. It is not excessive and in no way is distracting to the other children. If Sally can wear a BOYS uniform to school with long hair everyday- then why can't Jack keep his hair a little longer than the others and be fashionable? We have loved our time at HOPE- and have been good parents volunteering and complying with every rule the school has....But Jack got braces and glasses this year- and he just wants to look like a normal southern California kid. And since he is such a good student- I will support that.

But what would you do if Jack was 'sick' for the remainder of the year?

I am DYING for a response to this one. Yeah I am gonna be REAL popular after this. I don't care...I feel like I have to do this. Am I insane? YUP. I know... But the real comedy of all of this? My husband supports me- and agrees (this is a rare thing folks)........

You really don't want to mess with us k? We ARE the PTA . We don't need your vote either. Trust me plenty of new parents think they can push us out- and we know that some people call us the "evil-three"....but we don't care. We control the fundraisers, ice-cream sales and the annual auction. We have the principal and school board in our pockets...that's the pockets of our fabulous cashmere sweaters. So you think your vote counts..but it doesn't. We control it all. And we look great while we do it....so don't mess with us. DON'T MESS WITH US. Unless you want to be at the end of the pick up line for the rest of the year....thaaaaat's right.

We control it ALL.

Stop calling me names people!!!

A note to the news people and clearly childless journalists of the world: I do not like the term “Stay At Home Mom” (SAHM). Even though I do not get paid for my ‘work’- I am rarely at home. I am volunteering at the kids school, planning school parties, assisting on field trips, taking kids and their friends to baseball practice and all the rest. I also do not like “Full Time Mom”…um, hello… from the day you give birth you are a “full time mom”…is there anyway to be a ‘part-time mom’? If so, and it comes with health insurance it might be a good gig for me. Somedays all moms wish we could do it 'part time' and just let the next shift clean up the vomit/diaper/dishes-but as far as I know there is no kid-share program in my county. I also find the term ‘Housewife’ objectionable. Am I married to the house? Am I the wife of the house? If so then I think I have the right to tell the ‘house’ to start picking up after itself. And then there is the IRS form favorite “homemaker”. It implies I actually make the home from the ground up. I am not Mrs. Pulte…I do not make homes. And don’t get me started on the term ‘soccer mom’. I don’t know how, but that term has such negative connotations…implying mini-vans, mom-sweats attire and caddy gossip sessions. So then what terms work for me? Which ones do I actually I prefer? Well, I am loving a new one SWAT (Smart Women with Available Time) to replace the afore mentioned SAHM. And as for the IRS…I am going to stick with the classic 'Domestic Manager'. Of course I am a member of the M.O.B. (mother of boys) as well as the OC MOMfia. And as for my kids? Well, they have called me The Queen Almighty on occasion….but I am just happy when they call me Mom. Unless it is more like MAAAAoooooOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!! Then I pretend I don’t hear them…because it either means they broke something or somebody hit someone somewhere and I am too busy 'making' my home and being married to the house to care.

(1970)

Oh my god. Seriously Oh MY GOD. Can you even believe this was FA-SHION-A-BLE? Not sure how to plaster your eyes with bright blue paint? That's okay- this ad came with instructions for the make-up impaired. And is it me or does this lady look like the next door nieghbor lady (Amanda Bearse) on 'Married with Children'? Except for her unfortunate uneven eyebrow problem and the bangs she clearly let her 3 year kid cut before the photo.

Just shoot me if this ever comes back in style...

Heavenly Hostess

Aprons...not just for grandma anymore! So while strolling the streets of my 'happy place' (Orange Circle)...I discovered a newer store "Heavenly Hostess". Their motto "The Most Glamorous Aprons in the World"....naturally I had to take a look! This is a horrible photo- but the best I could get thru the storefront window...these aprons are adorable-complete with giant bow ties in the back. The top part is sorta smocked and pleated...very boob enhancing if you as me! These are so cute- I swear if you sewed up the back I would wear them as a dress for summer! Their website has loads of other versions and products (like matching pot holders!) And they carry all kinds of other lovely products including my new favorite "Smart Women" line (I want every product they make). So, come on ladies....as official members of The Glamorous Life Association - it is time to get your apron on!

Bragging...I walked!

Today I walked for the first time with a friend. I have always walked alone with the ipod...and never knew how much quicker the time flies by when you go with a friend! She is training for some walk-a-thon, breast cancer walk thingy (A commitment I could never make for fear of failure)....so she started me out today with one of her famous 5 mile walks around town. She plans to be doing 10 miles at the end of her training.... I don't think I have ever done 5 miles at one time (okay 5 miles strolling around Disneyland doesn't count when you are stopping to eat cotton candy and ice cream). So off we went ...she walks with the pace of a bunny on espresso.....so it was no granny stroll. I had a great time and logged in 12545 steps. Photo of my beloved pedometer for proof! I told her I would do it again on Wednesday....can you believe I am looking forward to it?

Frenemies: Joan and Barbara 1960

Barbara: Hey, Joan- it was bad enough you showed up in the same jacket as me- but do you think you could stop leaning on me? Joan: I am not leaning..this is just how I stand. Besides, I'M not the one who went and got the same haircut.... Barbara: Mine is totally different...helllllloooo... it is RED. Jeez......Um, where did you get those groovy crochet glooves? Joan: Like I would ever tell you!...big ol'copy cat. Barbara: Fine don't tell me.... Then I'm not gonna share my Diet Tab I brought for lunch. Joan: No loss, I haven't eaten lunch since 1958.

The Dreaded Haircut...

Before the dreaded haircut: The kid was not to thrilled with me-can you see him try to smile? BUT this was not my idea...it was the private school....I gotta admit he looks kinda scruffy here...okay so he looks like he needs a trim at least...

During the dreaded haircut: Can you tell I took him to my fancy place (Jabez Salon) and not a chop shop this time....my magician (okay beautician) Tara gave him her famous head massage too. I think he was liking it. Check out the killer Converse shoes...and the school uniform of course.

After the dreaded haircut: Jack said he looks like one of the Beatles. (Tucker said 'oh yeah, that dead one') It was just a trim- just to get him past the haircut police for the next 20 days till school is out. Clearly I will still have to slick it back over the ears in the morning...but he was happy. So I was happy.

Consider this a public service announcement folks....I am a giver..and well, I care about your thighs.

As most everyone knows- I am perpetually 'on a diet'...okay 'I watch what I eat'...whatever....and a few months ago Micky D's came out with a whole line of 'fancy coffees to compete with the Starbucks of the world....I am sucker for anything New and I ordered myself a big ol'large vanilla iced coffee. And guess what- Micky D's has managed to take something I get at Starbucks which has about 100 calories and no fat (non-fat milk used at Starbucks and Micky D's is pre-mixed they said)...to something that will destroy any effort to fit into a bathing suit this summer.

Calories: 270!!!!!

Fat grams: 11!!!!!!!!

Are you kidding? No wonder it tasted so darn good..after my first sip I began calculating how I could fit in a Micky D run every single day! Until I checked the nutritional info on-line when I got home......when will I learn that if it tastes good- I CAN'T HAVE IT!!!! Consider yourself warned.

Okay folks- this is becoming a regular feature- more strange ways to entertain yourself when you are 7 and 9.....and you have a skateboard and lots and lots of chalk....watch and learn.

Do you know what this is? I do!...this is a question from the OC Register's Cook's Quiz. And to my amazement- my answer was correct! So this just proves it...even though I may not know much about cooking, I seem to have acquired an odd knowledge of cooking TOOLS. I am now in the running to win a cookbook. Which will look great on my bookshelf I suppose... Go ahead and leave your guess here in the comments- or head over to the OC Reg and see if YOU can win the cookbook! Afterall you might actually USE it!

This is my photo for Exposroonie weekly photo challenge. The goal of Exposaroonie and these challenges is to push photogs to take deliberate photos...not to pull from our inventory for one that fits the theme. I have never taken an actual photography class-so I am finding these challenges to be difficult for me! The theme this week was 'rule of thirds'...and I took this photo from Mustard's restaurant in the Orange Circle....this is the Sunkist Building on Glassell, and in case you are wondering the trucks logo is "Bombshell Ink" which I think makes it even more cool no? I had a wait a bit to get the photo while no other cars were passing by! No, it is not the world's greatest photo- certainly not the best I have ever taken...but I still like it! Perhaps because the Orange Circle is my 'happy place'......you can vote for my photo here.

Um, Which Jack is yours?

When I named my first son Jack I thought I was so darn clever. It was after one of my husbands favorite golfers, it was easy to spell, it was strong and manly and at the time I truly believed it had not been over used. Boy was I wrong. His given name is actually Edward Jack (yup he is a third) but I never ever planned to use his first name. I grew up with a brother and dad with the same name and it was just confusing. Sure at first my brother was Stevie and my Dad was Steve, but it wasn’t long before my brother in all his pre-teen angst decided HE was to be called STEVE. So phone calls came and we would have to say ‘big Steve or Little Steve?” and the teenage girl on the other end of the phone not understanding I was not referring to his stature but rather the house hierarchy would reply sheepishly ‘why BIG Steve of course!’……eventually I could distinguish from their intermittent giggles who they really wanted to speak with. So from the first moment I instructed all to ignore the name card on his little Tupperware bassinet in the hospital nursery, which read EDWARD. My father actually asked a nurse to bring it to him-and he crossed it out and wrote “BIG JACK” across it. I loved that name and had no doubts about its selection, until…. Until we moved to Chicago 8 weeks later . We lived in a lovely area dotted with numerous churches and schools. And upon one of my first visits to the park- where I met three other mothers with sons with the name Jack, I started to realize the popularity of children's names are not only generational- but they are also geographical. In California the name Jack was kinda retro and hip and FRESH. In Chicago, it was a constantly used family name. And it seemed every other kid I met with had that name or had a sibling with it. I was disappointed. I mean I still loved the name, and still do to this day, but somehow it took its original edge off- and made it seem just a very safe name to choose. After three years we returned to California, where I learned the Jack trend had now spread across America. As I enrolled Jack into his first pre-school I was told I would have to label everything he had with Jack M. so they could differentiate his items form Jack F. and Jack C. in the class. For years when strangers would ask my son his name he would reply with “Jack M”…thinking that was his whole first name with the initial included. When gathered for school functions I would hear myself in conversations saying ‘yes, MY Jack loves that toy’ or ‘My Jack knock that off!’….he was MY Jack. Of course I can not even fathom another name for my Jack. He is so well, Jack-ish…for whatever that means. As I think of it now he is all the things I thought of the name when I chose it so many years ago: retro, hip and most definitely fresh! So I suppose having to share the name with so many of his peers has not affected his name experience. Although he has told me he plans to go by Edward when he becomes a Disneyland Imagineer (his dream)…he thinks the name Edward might fit him better then. It won’t matter to me, because he will always be MY JACK.

Magaret's Head Cozie

Margret loved knitting. She had learned only recently after her husband Earl ran off with that floozie from his office. Her therapist thought it would be good for Margret to keep her hands busy- and something to keep her from throwing darts at Earls photo in the basement. That was over 8 months ago. She picked up knitting rather quickly- and before long she found herself knitting for hours and hours everyday. After all she didn't have to stop and make gourmet dinner for Earl anymore. She didn't have to chill his beer glasses, empty his ashtrays, do his laundry. She didn't have to watch sports with him and pretend to enjoy it anymore either. She had lots of free time now that Earl was gone. And that suited Marget just fine. So she knitted a few sweaters for her pastor, her neighbors and a mail bag for her mail man. She made toast cozies and toilet cozies- everything in her house was cozied. It was a very cosy house with Earl gone. Then one day Marget got the idea. It came to her as she fitted the cozie she had made over her cookie jar; she needed a cozie for HER. She knitted through the night and put the cozie on in the morning. She wore it all day and all night. Then one day Earl stopped by to pick up a few things....and Margret opened the door wearing her head cozie. Earl didn't say a word. He blinked. Then he asked if she had been saving his subscriptions to Popular Science magazine. She nodded yes and pointed to the basement. He went down the basement stairs. She shut the basement door. No one knows what happened to Earl after that....but I have a feeling he is pretty cosy down there now.

Rant of the Week: Killing personal expression

My sons private school naturally has a dress code. I was excited about this when my boys started attending years ago; yeah! just grab a shirt and pants and go! I won't be locked in to buying the 'cool thing' of the week! Yippee! Uniforms are awesome! and I think I may have been overheard saying 'I think all of us should wear a uniform-wouldn't that be easy and great?'.....well, folks I have changed my tune today.

Yesterday at drop off Jack was told his hair 'did not meet dress code standards' and he needed to cut it 'above his ears' and 'above his collar'. Um, never mind that every other boy in Southern California has hair over their ears and past their collar these days. And that this is 2008 and not 1953. But more importantly- this is a personal expression of Jack's style. The poor kid got braces and glasses this year- for God's sake can't you take pity lady and let him have his cool 'surfer' hair? For months I have been helping Jack slick his hair over his ears with hair gel to fake out the uniform police at school. I am an accomplice- so I am just as disappointed as he is now.

So today my thoughts on uniform policies has changed drastically. The whole goal of the uniform policy to make your kids look like a close match to all the other children at said school. Little robotic drones walking around stiffly in their ironed dress shirts and slacks with creases (yes, they wear SLACKS). No room for personal expression (that would be deviant) and no room for fashion. Who cares if the kid looks like a 50 year old accountant from a by-gone era? By golly at least he complies with the uniform policy! Jack is a straight A student- you would think they would let him come in a purple Mohawk if he wanted....(which um, he does actually want)

We are not returning to this private school next year. For a variety of reasons: militant behavior expectations and inconsistent bizarre discipline being only some of the issues. And the hair policy is definitely a huge factor too.....so we have 23 days until school gets out. I am wondering if I can help him slick it back until then- or perhaps a wig? If only hats were allowed.....

(photo taken back when I was a fan of oppressing my kids personal expression)

Team Mom for hire....

I have a part time job. I do not get paid. It is seasonal work- but still it seems to go year-round. I am a team mom. I have performed my duties for numerous baseball teams, soccer teams and basketball teams over the past 5 years of my boys early sport careers. And even when I have squashed the urge to raise my hand and volunteer at the opening season team meeting- somehow, someway I find myself volunteering for a variety of tasks. Don’t get me wrong- I actually enjoy all this. But I never realized it until this Little League season. Until now I thought I hated it. I complained. I whined. But now I understand why I just can’t seem to stay away…. You see, I had plans this season to be the slacker mom. The mom who just shows up looking fabulous, cheers her little guy on to victory, takes a few pics and then whisks the little slugger out to lunch after the game. I was NOT going to organize the boys in the dugout, I was not going to photograph numerous games with the fervor of Major League paparazzi, I wasnot going to help warm them up before they hit, I was not going to worry who forgot their bat and who was late to practice and I most certainly was not going to start cheers from the dugout for the boy up at bat. This season I wasn’t even going to learn their names! No way- that was a commitment…and I was not going to get attached. I knew, as in all seasons before this- in 3-4 months we all would go our separate ways…so I wasn’t gonna get all involved this time. No.No.No……I thought I was pretty firm in this decision and yet…. Within 2 practices I had already volunteered to help our official Team mom since this was her first season in the position, and well I took pity-I know how much work it is. I remember kicking myself for opening my ‘big mouth’ on the car ride home. But secretly- inside I was excited; A whole new team of adorable little boys learning to play an all American pastime. So wholesome-so old fashioned and so fun for them-I knew I wanted to be a part of that experience. After the second game I was in the dugout reading the roster, lining up batting helmets and making sure they all drank their water on hot days. I applied band-aides to boo boos and resisted hugging each and everyone when they got tagged out. I came early to practices and games to pick up trash on the field. I ran other parents little guys to the potty on more than one occasion. So despite my intentions I had become totally and completely-INVOLVED. But today as I watched from the bleachers during one of our last games of the season….not actually handling much since the official team Mom was doing a really great job without me, I realized I didn’t want to be slacker mom. I guess I never did. I want to be gung-ho mom. I wanted to be team spirit mom. I wanted to be right in the middle of all of it……I want to soak it all up. I want it all.... The baseball season ends next week. But football starts in August. And this time I am raising my hand first to get my part time job back. I might be insane but I actually WANT to be team mom.

2 boys, 1 box...no shame

Coming down stairs I say..."Hey honey where are the boys?"

"They are just out front- I don't know what they are up to."

Well, folks- this is what they were up to....no reason. Just cuz......

I think this might have adverse effect on their gifted and talented status...but they might have promising careers playing a non convincing horse in a Renaissance Fair someday. You really gotta watch it for any of this to make sense!

Love in a box.

Tucker: Here Mom. This is for you! Me: It better not be a lizard, or rolly-pollys...on second thought...what is it? Tucker: Mom just open it...it is for you...trust me for once! Me: I am afraid...should I go outside? Tucker: OPEN IT! Very cautiously I lift the lid because I am wise and I know what my boys are capable of putting a box. But this is what I see...

LOVE in a BOX.

Sometimes they can really surprise you huh?

My Choice....

Mother’s Day is the most important day of the year for ME (emphasis on the ME)…I like my birthday and Christmas- heck I even like Arbor day………….but Mother’s Day represents something so special and important to me. It represents MY CHOICE. I chose motherhood and the glamorous life and all that goes with it. I very deliberately DECIDED to become a wife and mother. And that is something I love to celebrate. So one day a year I adore gliding through my day reading cards from my children, eating breakfast made by my husband and maybe getting a small gift. It is the way they say very tangibly “thank you for choosing to be a mom”….and well I drink it all in. This year- hubby surprised me early with a new (and quite fabulously indulgent) gift …my new and very very apple green purse. I have coveted this purse for months-even going to ‘visit’ it while shopping at the mall. And now it belongs to me…and I am reminded that my family appreciates me everytime I look at it. Not that I wouldn’t know that otherwise…but still..isn’t it a lovely purse?

Happy Mother’s Day. Best decision of my life.

Happy Mother's Day.....to ME!

Okay Happy Mother's Day to you too.......I really hope you get touching cards, your kids behave over a scrumpcious brunch somewhere fabulous and you have a good hair day too. Enjoy the day ladies! God knows we earned it!

Wow-inbreeding....never good out come.

For some reason this photo reminded me that even though I am a photographer (and because I am a photographer) I do not have a family portrait. I need to work on that....

Hey check it out- Steve over at OCThen has invited me to be a contributing blogger! Run on over (okay walk) and check out my first post....and take a look around too. There are some interesting posts about the OC back in the day.

Got Gum?

Photo Challenge Entry over at Exposaroonie (see the handy logo button on my side bar and go vote for my photo!).....GUM. I am an addict I think. And it could be genetic...huh mom? Juicy Fruit is always my favorite- but Orbitz 'Mojito Mint' is a close second. How would you like to be in the board meeting when that flavor got approved? "Hey Bob, how about Margarita Mint? Mimosa Mango? Beer Bubble?.....I know! Mojito Mint!!!! YES...that's it!

Cocktail flavors and gum...a perfect combination. It is a a really great flavor...but I do have a hankering to hit happy hour after each piece.

You've got some nerve lady...

"When you are restless, sleepless, nervous try NERVINE!"

Apparently this was quite the wonder drug-Mary's kids can practically kill each other fighting over a ball, and Mary is totally immune. I mean her kids are fighting so loud that her phone buddy even asks about them (notice the furrow in her brow too- either she is really annoyed or missed her last Botox appointment)....but nothing bothers Mary. I bet Mary's phone buddy doesn't even have kids...she has no idea what poor Mary is going through these days. Of course the woman needs drugs to make it thru the day- she has THREE kids and it looks like one of them may have given her a black eye earlier. I mean cut poor Mary some slack- she is wearing one of the kids bibs and is clearly having a bad hair day too. I say you take those liquid and effervescent tablets Mary! Don't worry, your phone buddy will watch the kids while you are in rehab.....that will teach her to complain about a little background noise!

Take it out of my pay.....

Finally a new study has determined the actual worth of a stay at home mom.....I think the figure is WAY too low. ($117,000) Clearly they do not know what I do all day (and night) around here!

Click here to read all about it!

Photo Dare Thursday

Okay my blog buddy at We are THAT family- wants us to do it again (every Thursday actually)...post photos from our past. And then explain what the heck is going on...

I am 14 in this photo. I am in a San Francisco hotel room...I had travelled there with my dance troupe. I asked one of the moms to take my picture- I think because I thought I looked SO COOL. Let me break it down for ya: beret on my head (not raspberry beret, but just as bad) over my Pat Benatar haircut, lilac eyeshadow, denim puffy sleeve-mandarian collar jacket with vintage war medals sewn on (by my mom-thanks mom), the absolute coolest tank top made out of kind rag strips. (I would wear it NOW I swear), jaunty crop denim pants and the real star of the show; the slouchy boots with the sock top squished down to make it even cooler.

I just remember feeling SO HOT and SO COOL in this outfit. I HAD to have a picture.....I guess to show you people 24 years later!

Meet McGyver Mom

I saw her. She stood in line at the Long Beach Aquarium with 5 kids. I figured they were all her children- since she eventually grabbed each one by the ear and said ‘knock it off’ with such authority- I was certain none of these kids belong to the neighbors. She stood confidently. She was calm. First it was the one in the stroller who dropped her pacifier- quickly McGyver Mom whisked it up and reached into her magic bag (some call it a purse) and grabbed a wipey and cleaned that paci and returned it to kid #1. By then Kid #2 had attempted a headstand at the daring of Kid #3 and Kid#4 and inevitably fell and scratched his elbow. Yes it was bleeding. McGyver Mom didn’t show an ounce of panic- again she reached into the magic bag and pulled out not only an appropriately sized bandaid (I have been known to use 3 small ones to cover a boo-boo) but also anti-bacterial spray. Spritz, Spritz…all was well. While this was going on Kid #5 began a sneezing attack which required allergy medicine, a sip of water, eye drops and tissues from the Magic Bag. She handed him all of this while she gave Kid #4 and #5 a super bouncy ball to play with during the wait. But this made #1, #3 and #5 jealous- no worry: baby rattle, Gameboy and Ipod make their way out of the bag and into their waiting hands. She noticed the Gameboy battery was broken. She reached in the Magic Bag and pulled out (now this is where I really got impressed)…she pulled out DUCT TAPE…and fixed the Gameboy. After that she decided to whip out a small brush and touch up the kids hair. Her cell phone rang. I leaned in…."Hi honey…just the usual…” McGyver Mom. She’s got you covered. What is usual for her- is amazing to me.