Are you funnier than a 4th grader?

During my vacation of sorts- and since Internet access is limited for me here- I thought I would post the script from my son's 4th grade Talent Show. He has done a stand-up comedy routine since Kindergarten (yes Kindergarten! That is him then in the photo)...but this year he got spooked and just didn't want to go thru with it- which I totally understood......But I was just re-reading his joke script and thought you guys would get a kick out of it....
Good evening, my name is Jack and I am in the 4th grade…and I have been giving some thought to what I want to be when I grow up…. I think I might have a promising career in stand up comedy since my teachers keep telling me "that’s enough funny boy- now sit down!"
Actually adults say all kinds of funny things like that…my mom will even ask things- that I am pretty sure she doesn’t even want me to she says: "How many times do I have to tell you???" ……“ah- lets see..about…37 times mom’ yeah that would go over well! Or the classic-
"DO you want to be punished?"... ..OK what kid in their right mind is going to answer that? And then there’s "Who do you think is going to clean that up?" …….ONCE….. just ONCE I said "um, you? Isn’t that your job?"……………………………………yeah-I am STILL grounded and that was over a year ago! But in general being a kid is great. Pretty straight forward job....all I have to do is-
  • Go to school, go to bed, clean my room, clean my hamster cage, brush my hair, brush my teeth, ………Ah-DON’T brush the hamster (learned that the hard way!) Let’s see what else is there…..
  • Don’t do drugs, Don’t talk to strangers, …………DON’T see if eggs, marshmallows or moms cell phone will explode in the microwave.
  • Wear a jacket, wear a helmet,………….Oh-don’t wear a t-shirt that says 'old people suck' while visiting your grandparents in the retirement home.
  • I have to remember to Say please, Say thank you, say 'you don’t need to go to gym mom- you look great!' at least once a week.
  • I can’t HIT my brother, can’t BUG my brother, can’t even LOOK at my brother, …..but somehow I have to still LOVE my brother. And the one I struggle with the most: be smart…… but don’t be a smart alec!

Thank you, thank you I will be here all week.....until summer that is!


Crystal said...

That is a great and funny routine! I almost did a stand-up routine at an amateur night at a comedy club back when I was in college and decided I wasn't as funny as I thought I was (chickened out). It really is so hard to come up with contrived jokes that are funny to everyone, so I applaud Jack!! His jokes would definately appeal to other kids for sure, and adults could appreciate them, too.

Threeundertwo said...

He's hilarious! Should I ask about the cell phone in the microwave?

Amy said...

lol that's SO funny! Sounds like your boy has a future in comedy :-)

Soliloquy said...

I cannot possibly be funnier than a 4th grader!!!

What a great script (and kid, for that matter!)

Becky said...

Don't forget my kids favorite Don't:

DON'T: See if you can launch a frozen corn dog through a window via the ceiling fan. Oh, yes they did. My son was smart enought to do it while I wasn't home (several times) but not smart enough to erase the video footage from his phone before I found it.


The Maid