Counting the days...

End of the school year- and I am thrilled. JUST THRILLED. Since I am a SWAT (or SAHM if you prefer), summer is really the season I get to shine. I plan all kinds of field trips for the three of us: Griffith Observatory, MOCA, and the beach. I plan play dates and squirt gun parties. I pass out lots of Popsicles and cookies. We make and edit movies just for fun. We do all kinds of clay projects. We paint and draw. And we frequently do a wood working project (last summer was a catapult I built with the boys). I get enthusiastic about collecting bugs and making makeshift habitats for them in shoe boxes. We swim at Grandma’s house for as long as we want and that is usually till sunset. Basically we hang out together. And I love it. No stress. No worries….and all fun. I never have to hear myself say things like “NO you can’t ride your skateboard you have homework!” or “NO you can not stay up to watch that- it is a school night”….nope I just get to hear myself say “YES-Sure we can all sleep in the family room and rent lots of movies to watch”, or even “YES, I will let you put whip cream on your waffles”. Of course it is a bit harder to get anything done around the house (cleaning when the boys are home is like walking UP a DOWN escalator)…and sometimes I yearn for the ability to go grocery shopping without having to say to explain the nutritional differences between apple candy and a real apple. But in general- I love summer with my kids. I love the luxury of just BEING with them. I want to soak them all up. I want to savor all of this time together- because whether I like it or not (and I do not like it) they are growing up and growing away. Before long I will be out of a job. And someday summer will come- and I will be able to think back on all these wonderful wacky summers we have together- and I will have lots of great memories to make me smile.

Introducing the Burka Fashionline 1969!

You can leave the house ladies and not have to do your hair or a full face of make up! Having a fat day? No problem..the comfort of the swing silhouette gives you the freedom to carry a few extra pounds and no one is the wiser! Of course people might think you are pregnant - so be sure to keep your hands close to your body...and carry a watch on a chain while you are at it. (not for any reason, just to distract and confuse people). This jacket does double duty as a diet aide...making snacking on the go impossible! When you purchase your new Burka Fashion piece you receive a free hand book titled 'Eye Blink Communication'. You will be blinking your way into the hearts of others and be the envy of the neighborhood in no time!

You think I am kidding right? Click here....

How NOT to get the principal to like you...

Well in the on going saga of the Private School uniform and hair dress code...Jack was asked to cut his hair AGAIN today. And there are 7 school days left for the year. I decided to inform them that Jack would not attend the last 7 days of classes. I was then told this would DRASTICALLY affect his grades since he would miss lots of "workbook assignements". I said- okay then he can do the assignments at home and I will turn them in each day. Then I was told that she could not allow the workbooks to go home!!! But because I want to share my diplomacy I am going to show you the last e-mail I sent the principal and teacher.....

What? I can not take the workbooks home? I paid $675 suplemental fee this year for books. Does this fee not cover the 'workbooks' as well? Are they not MY property? May I come in and make copies of the book pages? What would be done if a child was sick? What accommodations would be made then? Jack had his hair cut last week. They took an inch off of his hair. I have photos of him getting his hair cut! I am attaching the photos. (before/during and after for proof) I paid $40.00 for that haircut. I really feel this is excessive given that there are 7 days left of classes. If the pricipal feels Jack's hair should keep him from attending the remainder of the school year- then I will accept that. But that means he needs to have access to workbooks (I will pay for copies of all relevant pages-I will even pick up the work books and take them to be copied). What tests are to be given over the next 7 days of school which will effect his grades? Please be specific so I can asses the risk we face by pulling Jack from HOPE early. This is so unfortunate to have to end the year this way. Jack is a good kid and good student. He has near perfect attendance. He always complies with the uniform code. He has never gone to school one day in 2 years even without his belt! I have seen some pretty bad rule breakers at hope this year alone: kids with clothes WAY too small to look appropriate, shoes with holes or writing on them, kids wearing casual uniform on dress day, and kids wearing out of uniform jackets. Even kids that wore black shirts to the band concert when it was CLEAR they were to wear white! And as for hair- Jack's hair is appropriate, and current. It is not excessive and in no way is distracting to the other children. If Sally can wear a BOYS uniform to school with long hair everyday- then why can't Jack keep his hair a little longer than the others and be fashionable? We have loved our time at HOPE- and have been good parents volunteering and complying with every rule the school has....But Jack got braces and glasses this year- and he just wants to look like a normal southern California kid. And since he is such a good student- I will support that.

But what would you do if Jack was 'sick' for the remainder of the year?

I am DYING for a response to this one. Yeah I am gonna be REAL popular after this. I don't care...I feel like I have to do this. Am I insane? YUP. I know... But the real comedy of all of this? My husband supports me- and agrees (this is a rare thing folks)........

You really don't want to mess with us k? We ARE the PTA . We don't need your vote either. Trust me plenty of new parents think they can push us out- and we know that some people call us the "evil-three"....but we don't care. We control the fundraisers, ice-cream sales and the annual auction. We have the principal and school board in our pockets...that's the pockets of our fabulous cashmere sweaters. So you think your vote counts..but it doesn't. We control it all. And we look great while we do it....so don't mess with us. DON'T MESS WITH US. Unless you want to be at the end of the pick up line for the rest of the year....thaaaaat's right.

We control it ALL.

Stop calling me names people!!!

A note to the news people and clearly childless journalists of the world: I do not like the term “Stay At Home Mom” (SAHM). Even though I do not get paid for my ‘work’- I am rarely at home. I am volunteering at the kids school, planning school parties, assisting on field trips, taking kids and their friends to baseball practice and all the rest. I also do not like “Full Time Mom”…um, hello… from the day you give birth you are a “full time mom”…is there anyway to be a ‘part-time mom’? If so, and it comes with health insurance it might be a good gig for me. Somedays all moms wish we could do it 'part time' and just let the next shift clean up the vomit/diaper/dishes-but as far as I know there is no kid-share program in my county. I also find the term ‘Housewife’ objectionable. Am I married to the house? Am I the wife of the house? If so then I think I have the right to tell the ‘house’ to start picking up after itself. And then there is the IRS form favorite “homemaker”. It implies I actually make the home from the ground up. I am not Mrs. Pulte…I do not make homes. And don’t get me started on the term ‘soccer mom’. I don’t know how, but that term has such negative connotations…implying mini-vans, mom-sweats attire and caddy gossip sessions. So then what terms work for me? Which ones do I actually I prefer? Well, I am loving a new one SWAT (Smart Women with Available Time) to replace the afore mentioned SAHM. And as for the IRS…I am going to stick with the classic 'Domestic Manager'. Of course I am a member of the M.O.B. (mother of boys) as well as the OC MOMfia. And as for my kids? Well, they have called me The Queen Almighty on occasion….but I am just happy when they call me Mom. Unless it is more like MAAAAoooooOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!! Then I pretend I don’t hear them…because it either means they broke something or somebody hit someone somewhere and I am too busy 'making' my home and being married to the house to care.

(1970)

Oh my god. Seriously Oh MY GOD. Can you even believe this was FA-SHION-A-BLE? Not sure how to plaster your eyes with bright blue paint? That's okay- this ad came with instructions for the make-up impaired. And is it me or does this lady look like the next door nieghbor lady (Amanda Bearse) on 'Married with Children'? Except for her unfortunate uneven eyebrow problem and the bangs she clearly let her 3 year kid cut before the photo.

Just shoot me if this ever comes back in style...

Heavenly Hostess

Aprons...not just for grandma anymore! So while strolling the streets of my 'happy place' (Orange Circle)...I discovered a newer store "Heavenly Hostess". Their motto "The Most Glamorous Aprons in the World"....naturally I had to take a look! This is a horrible photo- but the best I could get thru the storefront window...these aprons are adorable-complete with giant bow ties in the back. The top part is sorta smocked and pleated...very boob enhancing if you as me! These are so cute- I swear if you sewed up the back I would wear them as a dress for summer! Their website has loads of other versions and products (like matching pot holders!) And they carry all kinds of other lovely products including my new favorite "Smart Women" line (I want every product they make). So, come on ladies....as official members of The Glamorous Life Association - it is time to get your apron on!

Bragging...I walked!

Today I walked for the first time with a friend. I have always walked alone with the ipod...and never knew how much quicker the time flies by when you go with a friend! She is training for some walk-a-thon, breast cancer walk thingy (A commitment I could never make for fear of failure)....so she started me out today with one of her famous 5 mile walks around town. She plans to be doing 10 miles at the end of her training.... I don't think I have ever done 5 miles at one time (okay 5 miles strolling around Disneyland doesn't count when you are stopping to eat cotton candy and ice cream). So off we went ...she walks with the pace of a bunny on espresso.....so it was no granny stroll. I had a great time and logged in 12545 steps. Photo of my beloved pedometer for proof! I told her I would do it again on Wednesday....can you believe I am looking forward to it?

Frenemies: Joan and Barbara 1960

Barbara: Hey, Joan- it was bad enough you showed up in the same jacket as me- but do you think you could stop leaning on me? Joan: I am not leaning..this is just how I stand. Besides, I'M not the one who went and got the same haircut.... Barbara: Mine is totally different...helllllloooo... it is RED. Jeez......Um, where did you get those groovy crochet glooves? Joan: Like I would ever tell you!...big ol'copy cat. Barbara: Fine don't tell me.... Then I'm not gonna share my Diet Tab I brought for lunch. Joan: No loss, I haven't eaten lunch since 1958.

The Dreaded Haircut...

Before the dreaded haircut: The kid was not to thrilled with me-can you see him try to smile? BUT this was not my idea...it was the private school....I gotta admit he looks kinda scruffy here...okay so he looks like he needs a trim at least...

During the dreaded haircut: Can you tell I took him to my fancy place (Jabez Salon) and not a chop shop this time....my magician (okay beautician) Tara gave him her famous head massage too. I think he was liking it. Check out the killer Converse shoes...and the school uniform of course.

After the dreaded haircut: Jack said he looks like one of the Beatles. (Tucker said 'oh yeah, that dead one') It was just a trim- just to get him past the haircut police for the next 20 days till school is out. Clearly I will still have to slick it back over the ears in the morning...but he was happy. So I was happy.