Stop calling me names people!!!

A note to the news people and clearly childless journalists of the world: I do not like the term “Stay At Home Mom” (SAHM). Even though I do not get paid for my ‘work’- I am rarely at home. I am volunteering at the kids school, planning school parties, assisting on field trips, taking kids and their friends to baseball practice and all the rest. I also do not like “Full Time Mom”…um, hello… from the day you give birth you are a “full time mom”…is there anyway to be a ‘part-time mom’? If so, and it comes with health insurance it might be a good gig for me. Somedays all moms wish we could do it 'part time' and just let the next shift clean up the vomit/diaper/dishes-but as far as I know there is no kid-share program in my county. I also find the term ‘Housewife’ objectionable. Am I married to the house? Am I the wife of the house? If so then I think I have the right to tell the ‘house’ to start picking up after itself. And then there is the IRS form favorite “homemaker”. It implies I actually make the home from the ground up. I am not Mrs. Pulte…I do not make homes. And don’t get me started on the term ‘soccer mom’. I don’t know how, but that term has such negative connotations…implying mini-vans, mom-sweats attire and caddy gossip sessions. So then what terms work for me? Which ones do I actually I prefer? Well, I am loving a new one SWAT (Smart Women with Available Time) to replace the afore mentioned SAHM. And as for the IRS…I am going to stick with the classic 'Domestic Manager'. Of course I am a member of the M.O.B. (mother of boys) as well as the OC MOMfia. And as for my kids? Well, they have called me The Queen Almighty on occasion….but I am just happy when they call me Mom. Unless it is more like MAAAAoooooOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!! Then I pretend I don’t hear them…because it either means they broke something or somebody hit someone somewhere and I am too busy 'making' my home and being married to the house to care.